So you have met someone and you are dating but now you’re wondering how long before you become official? Well this is going to be so different for everyone. My husband and I met on a dating site and we became exclusive after just 2 dates! It is a cliché but sometimes when you know you know!
Two months is a socially acceptable amount of time before transitioning from dating to being in a relationship according to industry experts. Depending on how much of a good match you are and the amount of time you’re spending together you may reach this stage much earlier.
Another confusing issue is what is the difference between being exclusive and being in a relationship? Essentially, it is the same thing – you’re only dating each other but the boyfriend/girlfriend status is considered more serious and may require an in-depth discussion. Others, like in the case of my husband and I, will agree exclusivity but never really have the relationship chat.
You can definitely pick up on vibes, or if you cant and if you are really confident you can just put it out there and say I want to be exclusive with you or in a relationship with you, is it what you want?
Obviously, a lot of people might be hesitant in doing so because its laying all their cards on the table and they might be concerned it could scare the other person off. Equally, you might not like the thought of them dating other people. If it is a deal breaker you can ask them outright which I think is perfectly legitimate. Or if you don’t want to put them on the spot you could say ‘just so you know I’m not dating anyone else’, then it gives them the perfect opportunity to say that they aren’t seeing other people either.
A lot of this comes down to trust and confidence; do you trust it is just you who they are dating, and have you got the confidence to back yourself? When someone else asks you if you think the person, you’re dating really likes you and you have the confidence to say yes then it speaks for itself. I think it is a lot about the vibes you pick up on when you’re together.
Some people never even have to have ‘the chat’ and they just coast into being in a relationship, which is great if that suits you, but others need to know what is going on. If you want to wait to ask, then around two months in is fair to start bringing it up. I think ask when you feel the time is right or you can’t wait any longer… 😊 The thing with the two month rule is that for one couple that may mean just 5 dates due to a very busy lifestyle and another couple may have been on 20 dates in the same time frame. If you really like someone though you will make the time and put the effort into getting to know that person.
If you don’t want to rock the boat and bring it up yet because you are unsure how it would be received, then a good option is introducing them to your friends. You can see how well they fit in and perhaps they might discuss your relationship status with one of them; they may already be assuming that you are official. Your friends would also get to observe the two of you together and perhaps pick up on things you had not noticed. When you’re dating someone often you are wearing rose tinted glasses and you can’t see things which are so obvious to others.
Key indicators you are moving in the right direction
- You are spending a significant amount of time together; you date at least a couple of times a week. The more effort going into getting to know you reflects the direction they want to move forwards in. Obviously, if both of you are shift workers and you have other commitments such as caring for children or elderly relatives then relax on this factor. The same applies if you are having a long-distance relationship. This does not include 1am meetings which are not dates at all these are booty calls and should not be counted as dates. In fact, they are disrespectful and if a guy tried to booty call me I would block him immediately!
- They are making plans for the future. If they say I would love to take you there or should we book a mini break here, then you’re onto a winner!
- They want to bring you into their world. If they talk about family and friends and say they would love you and I can’t wait for you to meet them then they sound as though they are really into you. If you talk about your family and friends do they say I would love to meet them, or did they start switching off?
- They listen to what you say and asks you questions wanting to really get to know who you are. If they don’t then this should ring alarm bells as they might just be using you when it suits them.
- They are affectionate towards you (outside of the bedroom if you have got that far!). They show public displays of affection; they want to hold your hand and kiss you in front of others.
- They initiate messages or calls first at least half of the time.
- They are happy around you and their body language is in sync. They will find excuses to touch you and make lots of eye contact.
- You feel like you can be completely yourself around them.
- They appreciate your qualities and communicates this to you; they are opening up to you and reassuring you that they like you.
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